Monday, August 12, 2013

I Have Become a Christian Again

The Shepherd has found me lost and confused, and I have returned to the fold. I can always rely on God to forgive me and to be there for me even when I have decided I want nothing to do with Him.
How can I deny that I am a Christian, praying all the time to the God that I don't believe in, trying to live my life in service to Him, all the while pretending to be an Atheist? I went to a Pentecostal Church, and I was not possessed by God. So what? Maybe what this says more than anything else is that God does not want to be probed. I should be ashamed for my lack of faith.
I found it extraordinarily difficult to know what to believe when I was trying to ignore God's voice. Now I know more than ever before that God is my rock and my salvation, and I am excited about recovering in my walk with Him. I was trying hard to lean on my own understanding when I should have embraced my service in the body of Christ.
 I have made the decision to grow steadily in my relationship with Jesus Christ;  I can no longer ignore my calling. I was just thinking about how God throws adversity in our lives in order to make us more like the men and women He wants us to be. He does not force us to serve Him.
I am ashamed of my decisions, especially some of the things that I did when I wanted to defy my Heavenly Father.  I made so many ungodly plans for myself to pursue my own understanding.  I could not admit that it was not up to me, it was up to the Lord.
 I'm making plans to attend church next Sunday. It's the best thing for me to do. I hope they accept me after knowing where I've been. Even Saul, who planned the deaths of so many Christians, was never an anti-Theist. He was a Jew and then a follower of Christ. I like both of those things. So I really hope they will like me. I would be sad if my brothers and sisters in Christ could not forgive me.
It's only a matter of time before I am a serious Christian again.  I am done with this unreachable idea of fulfilling myself through my own selfish desires. At the same time, I will never forget what I learned. It has only made me stronger in my understanding of my Creator.