Guess Who's Coming to Match.com

Oh yeah, baby! That's right. Ladies please, restrain yourselves. I know it's hard. But I'm now on match.com for your perusal.

Test (Req #9101354)	Value	Range	Result	Test Date	Results Date
Hepatitis C	<0 .1="" td="">	0.0-0.9	Negative	03/04/2015	03/05/2015
HIV-1 Antibody	<1 .00="" td="">	<1 .00="" td="">	Negative	03/04/2015	03/05/2015
HIV 1/O/2 Abs, Qual	Non Reactive	Non Reactive	Negative	03/04/2015	03/05/2015

I put this in my profile initially, but the match.com staff removed it. I was a little disappointed, as I thought these results were valuable information for a dating site. I wish all the women would do the same.

I have oh so subtly seduced them with the thought of being like this subject of my material affections; I posted a link to the gift I bought my best friend's significant other for her birthday.

. 

http://amzn.to/1x3Qn1J

"Just think. That could be you. :) "

Unfortunately, the match.com staff removed these links that I had hoped would tantalize my potential female lover with fantasies of my doting affection. 

So far, no women have seemed in the least bit interested except a Russian woman who is a little bit too old for me and already has a child. So maybe if she pays me to help take care of her kid. I'm a very good mother, I think.