Sunday, February 15, 2015

Pornography: Conversations With a Sexual Psychopath

I remember distinctly the very first time I ever watched pornography. It was this appalling bukake scene with a Brittany Spears look-alike that my brother left on the computer hard drive. I was 13. I remember two very powerful emotions that I felt when I watched this scene. The first was intense disgust. The themes and images and penises and everything were so incredibly disturbing. And yet, the second was intense arousal. I masturbated to both those sensations.

It's like this sexual psychopath has been having pedophilic conversations with me since I was 13 years old. I remember I felt so ashamed but so good at the same time. Everyone made me think I was a sinner for wanting to have sex so much that I would masturbate all the time to fantasies about having sex with women in bikinis and the young girls in my middle school class. There was so much shame. And then, in porn, at least initially, there was all this intense arousal, disgust, and self-blame.

The themes in pornography are so horrible. It's always domination and submission, degradation. Sometimes it's about rape. There's even a website called "extremetube" for people who find the ordinary stuff too mundane and need more violence. And yet I would watch it because I had such a strong desire to release this enormous urge for arousal. It was always so lonely afterwards.

The actors don't enjoy it at all, and often, they will be depicted crying or feeling used and abused. You can try to skip those videos and look for pleasant, romantic videos. But they just don't exist. It's not real. And not only is it not real. At best, it's clinical and boring. And beyond that, it's twisted and revolting.

I hate my sexuality because it is the aggregate of all these horrible things I've seen. And you think that it's my fault, but it isn't. The male sexual desire is unstoppable. We watch porn as teenagers so we can function normally without thinking about sex literally all the time. And when the only thing available to you to avoid that problem is laced with violence, misogyny, hate, and perversion, it just makes you hate your own sexuality.

Every time a man masturbates, he'd rather have had sex. When kids hit puberty, they would rather have sex, but they are forced to watch horrifying things, like A Clockwork Orange. Why is our society so sexually repressed? Why not let kids have sex with each other and use condoms? Is "allowing them to choose" to watch video after video consisting of extreme domination/submission symbolism cut into the product that they want to see really any healthier for us as a civilization?

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Premium Jewish Deli and Lampshade Tannery

You know what I wonder? If I'm a zombie who has money, and thus power. Then why can't I go to the store and buy Jew meat? I want some tasty Jew thigh, roasted in BBQ sauce. 

We can be creative with the branding:
Butcher's Choice: Zombie Treats for the Unmutilated Masses. Premium Jew meat.

If they don't want to be human with me and think I'm going to hell, all I hear is, "When you eat my meat, use spicy seasonings."

I accidentally ate a pig this morning, thinking about how stupid being kosher is. It was a living, breathing, conscious, dreaming creature. It had feelings and was capable of love. And I ate its meat. I feel bad about that now. I'd rather feel bad about having eating a Jewish toddler. They are about the same intelligence.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

On the Value of Being Cuckholded

Funny Quote of the Day - Gloria Steinem - "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career."

Look, Feminists,

You know how you think men should be sexually interested in you, even if you are raising another man's child? Well, let me say this; if you pay me to raise another man's child, I'll do it. And I would sincerely enjoy it. But I won't ever, ever pay you to raise someone else's kid. That's what the government is for.

   A Hero Without a Mask

P.S. I think if the government ever issues financial support to a single mother, it should be required by law that she submit to temporary sterilization, at least until she can demonstrate that she is as talented as J.K. Rowling.

The Woeful Cost of Having a Vagina

So, today, I stumbled upon this article at where this woman wrote an article detailing the cost of having a vagina, presumably to imply the argument that it's so much harder to be a woman.
Here's a link to the article. Well, I decided that was an incredibly narrow-minded and sexist argument, since the vagina is incredibly valuable, compared to, say, a cock. But we all know that women are terrible at math, so I decided to help them. 

Use this simple formula:
Subjective Value - Upkeep Costs = Genital Worth
Now, I'm not a social scientist or anything. In fact, I hope to deliver pizzas for a living. But I think we can both agree that there might be a sex difference in subjective genital value. Anyway, this is the comment I left on the article. I guarantee it gets censored, so I decided to put it here instead:

Well, to be fair. The average vagina is worth a lot of money as well, probably more than it costs. I'd agree to have one. I mean, I just read this comment written by the friend of a cam whore. Keep in mind that being a cam whore doesn't even involve touching anyone. It's literally what *showing* men your vagina is worth. You can probably make more if you actually decide to have sex. On the flip side, my penis is worth basically nothing to women. Men believe in free love.

I have a friend whose girlfriend now does it. She gets $500/show average and does it M/W/F - so $1500/week. [No comment on the time requirement, which is probably like 5 hours a week.] You do the math, thats a little over $70k a year (I don't have a calculator) something like 74 if I'm not mistaken (my friend who dated her found other girls earning $800-$1000+ per show. Yea it's serious!) [No comment on whether this income is taxed.]
You have to be different though. There are a lot of girls with girls, girls with guys, you want something that a lot of men can fantasize to. If you would like ideas just look up the most popular porn topics. You can PM me or any of the non weirdo guys here and I'm sure they can give you more than enough ideas to get some stuff started.
I would recommend as well that you find a good guy friend (or girl friend) that likes being on camera as well. 2 people doing each other is always hotter than 1 doing themselves.
Good Luck

Support Group

I went to this support group site, and I discovered this woman there who was depressed. So I offered her the best advice I could muster. Keep in mind I'm also on despair site:

Dark Hole:

I'm a failure, my life is a definite fail and I'm on the verge of crying I'm so freakin annoyed. There's literally not one positive thing that I have seen happen in my life in almost a year. One thing after another after another. Everybody says have faith and pray, there's still hope. I feel there comes a point and time where all hope is lost and I'm just going to keep going down and there's no way out. Something has got to give, there's got to be some happiness out there some where. I beg and plead and cry for something good to happen and bam! The negativity hits me even harder and I swear there's no freakin escape. I'll never be at peace unless I'm dead I suppose. I've done SO SO SO much for so many friends and family, making sure they're absolutely taken care of and have their life the way they want it and make sure I was there for them to lean on, have support, be there every waking second and now the tables are turned, I realize who's there for me when I need them. NO FREAKIN BODY!


Honestly, I recommend getting over the conceit in your mind that causes you to respond negatively to this statement. Do this and you will be happy:
Go to a man you actually care about, one you find attractive because he looks like he can steal from that man and get away with it (though this is nearly impossible in modern times), or lastly, to a random guy at a bar. Then tell him you want oral sex, without subtlety or "class." Like "free love."
Make sure he's relatively small and non-violent, if he's a random guy. It won't matter for the purpose at hand, which is to make you feel happier.
Now take him back to your bedroom and just do it, but not vaginally. Women get more pleasure from clitoral stimulation.
That will make you happy. Guaranteed. You are welcome, "dark hole."      


Dark Hole:

@YellowYam I have NO idea where you find your statement to be acceptable! I don't know what you think I'm talking about but it has NOTHING to do with what you mentioned. I never get offended, but I'm offended by your comment here. I am not sexually active, IF YOU MUST KNOW, and I sure as heck don't plan to because you said so. I would be MUCH more appreciative if you'd keep your comments to yourself, that consist of these words. I'm appalled that you, not knowing me, would even say this to me. Thanks BUT NO THANKS! Have a great day!


Well, I tried. Have fun with your unhappy life.

1 hour ago
DarkHole's picture
6 minutes ago Thank you! :)
YellowYam's picture
1 hour ago
^^^ That is a decidedly bad idea that will just make you less happy. Trust me.
DarkHole's picture
3 minutes ago
@YellowYam NO! You can't say what is a bad or good idea for me in my life. Your advice was the worst advice I've ever read! Maybe you should go to that link and listen to the songs!
YellowYam's picture
6 seconds ago
I prefer alternative music.

Ok, so I continued to read comments on this site, and I discovered this cartoon someone posted that was clearly about rape, except people refused to recognize that and kept saying how funny it was. So I posted this, which is true by the way:


When I was an undergrad in college, I applied to work at the University's rape and suicide hotline center. My application was ignored because I am a man, and so I definitely can't know anything about rape or care about it. And of course all men are insensitive and don't know how to take the perspective of another. (On that note, we're also not so much better at math. Just like white people aren't smarter than black people, but Jews are definitely smarter than everyone.)
The next year, I'm sitting in the library at this built-in cafe studying a textbook for this psychology class I'm taking, and who should appear behind me but two women working for that hotline. They are there to interview a candidate, another female, for the position I applied for the year before. I become interested in what they are saying, so I listen in to their conversation.

And do you know what they are doing? They are gossiping about the horrible things that they heard people tell them, with smiles on their faces. Laughing at these peoples' tragedies. Shortly after, the candidate arrives. Some female who will probably tell them she loves animals.

UPDATE: banned my account. Typical.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

My Response to an Old Friend From Emory University

I discovered that this good guy I met at Emory had a Tedx talk on YouTube, so I decided to respond to it in the comment section, for ole time's sake. This is what I wrote:

To his credit, Jordan was friendly to me at Emory University, which was unusual for Emory snobs. He even took me with his friends to a sorority house, where frat boys were hooking up with MILFS during parents weekend. Then I was whisked away like in a dream away from Jordan by some of these girls into a backroom, where they all did lines of coke. I was sworn to secrecy, and we all left for a frat party a mile away. 

I met another person there who was unusually friendly to me, for snobs from Emory. I remember him wishing me the best of luck that I would get into medical school. I did not, though he did, probably because my parents could not afford to pay for me to be trained as an EMT at Emory so I could be a free volunteer. Or it could have been because I was the wrong sort of person for that school, in a profundity of noble (in the actual sense of the world) subtleties*.

* I applied with a 35 on the MCAT, hundreds of hours of hospital volunteer experience with Grady, and 3.72 GPA [Emory had yet to interfere with my life enough to lower my grades; although, they did later try to "literally" throw me in jail.]

Also, Ayn Rand was a psychopath. And I definitely understand interpersonal honesty. She makes no sense when this is the world in which we currently live:,_Idaho_labor_strike_of_1892

And this is from some Indo-Aryan's plenty of fish account, but I may as well have used JDate:

"I'm a down to earth girl . I was born in Chicago and raised in Atlanta. I enjoy hanging out with friends, shopping, watching movies, watching/attending baseball and basketball games. I love being outdoors, and sunsets make me happy. Friends and family are the most important to me. I know what I want and I'm hoping to find someone who is exactly that. I'm looking for an educated Gujarati guy who I can enjoy talking to, is family oriented, can make me laugh, and knows how to treat a lady well."

Notice how she knows exactly what she wants. And it's a Brahmin Aryan from her particular tribe (and perhaps gotra)... who additionally is funny and the second part probably means he gives her stuff. I'm sure she voted Democrat.

Which one is the anti-racist party again? Is it the party of inter-clan adivarsity, where we give all the different tribes in the world a fair shot at capitulating WASP hegemony and becoming the new master race? Or is it the party of WASP hegemony, which seems destined to fail after a stealthy invasion of people like that Indian from POF or basically anyone from JDate or La Raza. 

(I remember one of my professors at Emory, Nancy Bliwise, discussing her interactions with La Raza. She was a self-described 1970's feminist and probably a Jew who secretly hated Anglo "Whites," even though we were an underrepresented minority at that institution, and as for lower-middle class individuals, what Marx refers to as the "petit bourgeoisie,"  almost non-existent, ironically much like the mestizo Hispanic population prevalent in this state.)

Everyone accuses Emory of being communist, but I actually am a Communist (or at least a national socialist), and they painted me as a racist villain. Go figure.

Since we graduated, Jordan, you went on to graduate school in comparative literature, and I got put into a secret prison disguised as a mental hospital. (The government mistook my project group at GA Tech, called Heroes Without Masks, for being a terrorist organization. Humans are literally that retarded.) But you know what, you were a pretty decent guy; you didn't seem like you had anything but the best of intentions. So there you go. Enjoy a, literally (in the actual sense of the word), diverse perspective. And please do what you can to instill compassion in the stupid masses, for the love of our jealous, non-existent God.

So, that basically sums up my experiences with academia. Now on to my esteemed career as a pizza delivery man.

Edit: I want to elaborate that 1) I was a Democrat, even secretly at Emory University, though my support system, especially at that time, necessitated that I keep this relatively quiet. 2) Not only have I voted for no candidates but Democratic candidates, I have also invested serious amounts of time both in assisting Democratic strategy and ideation -- 2014 was a disaster -- and significant amounts of what little money I have funding their efforts to defeat Capitalist evil. 3) I believe that, between the two parties, only the Democrats are sincere in their ambition to promote financial and spiritual equality and to raise awareness of important global phenomena, especially including environmental concerns. With that in mind, I would be personally very appalled if, in the extremely unlikely event someone reads and cares about my experiences, that one decided to use my experiences in a way that damages real progress. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

I Have Become a Christian Again

The Shepherd has found me lost and confused, and I have returned to the fold. I can always rely on God to forgive me and to be there for me even when I have decided I want nothing to do with Him.
How can I deny that I am a Christian, praying all the time to the God that I don't believe in, trying to live my life in service to Him, all the while pretending to be an Atheist? I went to a Pentecostal Church, and I was not possessed by God. So what? Maybe what this says more than anything else is that God does not want to be probed. I should be ashamed for my lack of faith.
I found it extraordinarily difficult to know what to believe when I was trying to ignore God's voice. Now I know more than ever before that God is my rock and my salvation, and I am excited about recovering in my walk with Him. I was trying hard to lean on my own understanding when I should have embraced my service in the body of Christ.
 I have made the decision to grow steadily in my relationship with Jesus Christ;  I can no longer ignore my calling. I was just thinking about how God throws adversity in our lives in order to make us more like the men and women He wants us to be. He does not force us to serve Him.
I am ashamed of my decisions, especially some of the things that I did when I wanted to defy my Heavenly Father.  I made so many ungodly plans for myself to pursue my own understanding.  I could not admit that it was not up to me, it was up to the Lord.
 I'm making plans to attend church next Sunday. It's the best thing for me to do. I hope they accept me after knowing where I've been. Even Saul, who planned the deaths of so many Christians, was never an anti-Theist. He was a Jew and then a follower of Christ. I like both of those things. So I really hope they will like me. I would be sad if my brothers and sisters in Christ could not forgive me.
It's only a matter of time before I am a serious Christian again.  I am done with this unreachable idea of fulfilling myself through my own selfish desires. At the same time, I will never forget what I learned. It has only made me stronger in my understanding of my Creator.
Update: I have since become an animist, in the lay sense. In the academic sense,  I predict some chimp could define animism out of being the obvious thing that it is.